The Two Little Witham Girls
Sweet Tea and Little Bit
Sunday, February 26, 2012
I think I have it figured out but how do I solve the problem?
I am pretty sure I have the problem figured out. Now how do I solve it?
My work is making me physically sick. The stress is just too much. I came home Friday evening and was in bed by 7 and slept thru the night and into the morning till 8.
Friday was terrible at work. I cried at my desk off and on during the day.
I am so tired of hearing folks on the phone gripe about the insurance coverage they have or the lack of. I am tired of being told when to take lunch and breaks and to fill out a form if I can't take them on time because of a phone call.
Crying at my desk is not new. I felt the worst I have felt though on Friday.
I talked to Clay and told him we have to do something else. I can't just quit because I carry the health insurance for our family.
There is a job I am going to apply for outside the company this week, I have to prepare by resume. I will have to interview and with prayer and if it is God's plan I will have a new position. I really don't want to take many more days like Friday. This is a six day work week. I have to work Monday thru Saturday so I can have next Friday off to go to the Hearts at Home Conference.
My work is making me physically sick. The stress is just too much. I came home Friday evening and was in bed by 7 and slept thru the night and into the morning till 8.
Friday was terrible at work. I cried at my desk off and on during the day.
I am so tired of hearing folks on the phone gripe about the insurance coverage they have or the lack of. I am tired of being told when to take lunch and breaks and to fill out a form if I can't take them on time because of a phone call.
Crying at my desk is not new. I felt the worst I have felt though on Friday.
I talked to Clay and told him we have to do something else. I can't just quit because I carry the health insurance for our family.
There is a job I am going to apply for outside the company this week, I have to prepare by resume. I will have to interview and with prayer and if it is God's plan I will have a new position. I really don't want to take many more days like Friday. This is a six day work week. I have to work Monday thru Saturday so I can have next Friday off to go to the Hearts at Home Conference.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
If Only................
Ever get so down on yourself, feel like such a failure, even though you know your not? Part of me knows the truth, knows that I am God's daughter and knows that I matter and knows I am not a failure. I know I have done so many things right but struggle to forgive myself for wrongs. Wrongs I have done and wrongs committed against me.
Ever pray to God and know in your heart he hears but want proof. Want the answer you are seeking, tired of waiting, not understanding the WHY. Wondering is there a lesson here to be learned, if so WHAT is the lesson because I can't figure it out. Can't figure out why medicine does not heal my heavy heart, my anxiety, my fatigue and all the other ailments. A friend once said maybe there is no WHY. The Bible says all sorts of things about trusting and having faith. Maybe I don't trust with all my heart like the book Not a Fan is talking about. I am so tired of the depression. So tired of the anxiety. So tired of, can't believe I am going to write this: So tired of literally pulling out my hair, my eyelashes, eyebrows. Then not being able to cope with the aftermath, the no eyelashes and not being able to wear mascara; the no eyebrows or the partial eyebrows or only one eyebrow; the huge and I mean ever growing huge bald spot on the top of my head and trying to cover it up. The selfconscious feelings. The lack of answers for myself, for my five year old daughter, the fears that one or both of my daughters will also have trichotillomania. There is no medicine for this. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy hasn't worked. Talk Therapy hasn't worked. Hypnotism hasn't worked. Maybe this will, maybe my journal will and if you see this maybe you can help me.
Ever pray to God and know in your heart he hears but want proof. Want the answer you are seeking, tired of waiting, not understanding the WHY. Wondering is there a lesson here to be learned, if so WHAT is the lesson because I can't figure it out. Can't figure out why medicine does not heal my heavy heart, my anxiety, my fatigue and all the other ailments. A friend once said maybe there is no WHY. The Bible says all sorts of things about trusting and having faith. Maybe I don't trust with all my heart like the book Not a Fan is talking about. I am so tired of the depression. So tired of the anxiety. So tired of, can't believe I am going to write this: So tired of literally pulling out my hair, my eyelashes, eyebrows. Then not being able to cope with the aftermath, the no eyelashes and not being able to wear mascara; the no eyebrows or the partial eyebrows or only one eyebrow; the huge and I mean ever growing huge bald spot on the top of my head and trying to cover it up. The selfconscious feelings. The lack of answers for myself, for my five year old daughter, the fears that one or both of my daughters will also have trichotillomania. There is no medicine for this. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy hasn't worked. Talk Therapy hasn't worked. Hypnotism hasn't worked. Maybe this will, maybe my journal will and if you see this maybe you can help me.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
What I Hope to Accompolish.......
By writing this blog I am hoping one day I will be able to look back and see I have came a long ways. My desire is to grow as a person, release my fears and frustrations, let go of harboured negative feelings and record some memories of my daily life with my husband and girls.
I will share some events of my past because our past is who we are and until we come to grips and accept it because it cannot be altered, it flows in us, sometimes bouncing in our heads over and over. I need to let go of some terrible events in my past. Forgive some folks. Understand I had no control over some events and should take no blame. Understand that I may never understand the reasons why things happen but God has a plan and I, more than anything else in this world, need to trust fully and wholly God. The saddness I feel, the physical ailments, the emptyness, all this can be made new and whole, I can be healed emotionally and physically by God. It is time for me to really live a life of having God in my heart and in my everything. I started the book "Not a Fan......................" My desire is to absorb this book and then apply it. My desire is to change my life and in the process change my childrens and husbands life and those I come into contact with. I need a new attitude. God, you hear and know my heart, I have cried out to you to feel better, I am so glad I still have time to really live the life you intended. I trust you.
I will share some events of my past because our past is who we are and until we come to grips and accept it because it cannot be altered, it flows in us, sometimes bouncing in our heads over and over. I need to let go of some terrible events in my past. Forgive some folks. Understand I had no control over some events and should take no blame. Understand that I may never understand the reasons why things happen but God has a plan and I, more than anything else in this world, need to trust fully and wholly God. The saddness I feel, the physical ailments, the emptyness, all this can be made new and whole, I can be healed emotionally and physically by God. It is time for me to really live a life of having God in my heart and in my everything. I started the book "Not a Fan......................" My desire is to absorb this book and then apply it. My desire is to change my life and in the process change my childrens and husbands life and those I come into contact with. I need a new attitude. God, you hear and know my heart, I have cried out to you to feel better, I am so glad I still have time to really live the life you intended. I trust you.
Friday, February 3, 2012
My Very First Blog and Blog Post.
It took all morning but I got the Blog page set up.
It was hard deciding on photos. It was also difficult because Little Bit is on my right side as close as she can get, talk about no elbow room.
Little Bit is not feeling well today so we are home, me from work and her from Early Childhood Education school.
I may get wrote up for missing work today but she is my girl and she will be grown before I know it. I don't really care for my job but I can't let my family down and get fired, I pay for the health insurance benefits. I tell myself just a few more days till vacation, till we see our friends in Phoenix, AZ and we all go to Disneyland in California. I know with God's help I can get through anything, even work. I am thankful I have a job. I am thankful for my healthy family, for my husbands love and for God's grace.
It was hard deciding on photos. It was also difficult because Little Bit is on my right side as close as she can get, talk about no elbow room.
Little Bit is not feeling well today so we are home, me from work and her from Early Childhood Education school.
I may get wrote up for missing work today but she is my girl and she will be grown before I know it. I don't really care for my job but I can't let my family down and get fired, I pay for the health insurance benefits. I tell myself just a few more days till vacation, till we see our friends in Phoenix, AZ and we all go to Disneyland in California. I know with God's help I can get through anything, even work. I am thankful I have a job. I am thankful for my healthy family, for my husbands love and for God's grace.
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