Ever get so down on yourself, feel like such a failure, even though you know your not? Part of me knows the truth, knows that I am God's daughter and knows that I matter and knows I am not a failure. I know I have done so many things right but struggle to forgive myself for wrongs. Wrongs I have done and wrongs committed against me.
Ever pray to God and know in your heart he hears but want proof. Want the answer you are seeking, tired of waiting, not understanding the WHY. Wondering is there a lesson here to be learned, if so WHAT is the lesson because I can't figure it out. Can't figure out why medicine does not heal my heavy heart, my anxiety, my fatigue and all the other ailments. A friend once said maybe there is no WHY. The Bible says all sorts of things about trusting and having faith. Maybe I don't trust with all my heart like the book Not a Fan is talking about. I am so tired of the depression. So tired of the anxiety. So tired of, can't believe I am going to write this: So tired of literally pulling out my hair, my eyelashes, eyebrows. Then not being able to cope with the aftermath, the no eyelashes and not being able to wear mascara; the no eyebrows or the partial eyebrows or only one eyebrow; the huge and I mean ever growing huge bald spot on the top of my head and trying to cover it up. The selfconscious feelings. The lack of answers for myself, for my five year old daughter, the fears that one or both of my daughters will also have trichotillomania. There is no medicine for this. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy hasn't worked. Talk Therapy hasn't worked. Hypnotism hasn't worked. Maybe this will, maybe my journal will and if you see this maybe you can help me.
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